Corporate Wellness Warrior Gifts

"Do your really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?"

"You're fired, Pembroke. We're turning the office into a smoke-free environment."

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

Be Healthy

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

"Another one so relaxed, she couldn't walk out of here."

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Hot Pie Therapy

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

Emergency numbers on a telephone.

Couples Massage: "Did you remember the body oil?"

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

FIGHT STRESS: Walk-A-Thon

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I told him he should have trained more."

Shrinks in heaven

"You're in perfect health and look half your age – I'm prescribing something to help you shut up about it."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

"Would you like me to give it to you straight or sugar-coated?"

Healthy living has added years to Melvin's life.

Making healthy substitutions at mealtime

'What are you eating now?'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"Can I still do my pilates?"