Corporate Wellness Seeker Gifts

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

'Our health-care system - eat organically.'

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

"That's good. Now extend the fingers and lose the attitude."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"Now that you mention it, I have to admit, the daily grind IS starting to get to me!"

Three cases of therapy-resistant low self-esteem

Cures for the void.

Laughter Therapy.

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

"You're carrying a lot of tension in your neck."

'You mean that carrying around this heavy weight belly 24 hours a day isn't enoght exercise, doc?!'

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

'And also, no cigarettes, no cigars, no alcohol,no sweets,no dairy products, no bacon, no ham...'

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

'People aren't happy enough...I want a 15% increase in happiness by the 1st of the month or heads will roll!'

"He went to an alternative therapy seminar to find ways of reducing his stress levels..."

"Yeah, Charlie wnet to one of those 'mindful outdoor experience' seminars. . ."

"I'd like to see something in a size 6...me!"

'Eat in moderation, Drink in moderation. Be merry whenever you want.'

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

A man's health care options.

"I've finally learned not to measure my worth by how many employees I have."

'Inside healer'