Corporate Wellness Manager Gifts

"This is Fred, he heads up our corporate wellness programs."

'Obesity is a scourge, a health disaster...Management would be shirking our responsibilities if we didn't help staff avoid the twin threats of overeating and lack of exercise!'

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Office Ergonomics.

"It's hard to keep good people."

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"This is what I took away from the meeting."

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

"I don't think we can put off dealing with 'presenteeism' any longer."

'Many of our employees are under a lot of pressure. This keeps them from getting the bends if they begin to unwind too quickly.' (Decompression chamber)

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

'I hear they've named a new stress syndrome after me.'

"So I can eat better here at work."

"My sensitivity trainer says I have to say 'good morning.'"

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'

Office Safety.

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

The HR department at the tech company allowed Randy the use of their therapy robot.

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

'People aren't happy enough...I want a 15% increase in happiness by the 1st of the month or heads will roll!'

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

'You're right, Haskell, I should get more exercise. Tomorrow I'm turning your office into a gym.'

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

"I've finally learned not to measure my worth by how many employees I have."