Workplace Wellness Guru Gifts

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Well, all the symptoms of just another typical case of burnout, I'm afraid."

'Do you really think shoulder-to-wheel and nose-to-grindstone are valid yoga positions?'

Office Ergonomics.

"It's hard to keep good people."

"What's this I hear about you not having an ulcer?"

'It's noble of you to want to keep your employees happy, but I can't help by prescribing something for them.'

The Dangers of National Safety Week.

Performance Management: "We decided to get rid of the stick and just use the carrots."

'Many of our employees are under a lot of pressure. This keeps them from getting the bends if they begin to unwind too quickly.' (Decompression chamber)

"Graphs are like EKGs, they show the health of a company."

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

'I hear they've named a new stress syndrome after me.'

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

"My sensitivity trainer says I have to say 'good morning.'"

'What does carpal tunnel syndrome feel like?'

Office Safety.

"The company offers free Yoga and aerobics. You'll bend over backwards and jump through hoops."

Healthy and happy workers are productive workers!

'But boss, this will keep my muscles from getting fatiqued.'

'People aren't happy enough...I want a 15% increase in happiness by the 1st of the month or heads will roll!'

'You're right, Haskell, I should get more exercise. Tomorrow I'm turning your office into a gym.'

"Daddy needs to relax. He spent another long day at work extolling the virtues of his stand up desk."

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

The HR department at the tech company allowed Randy the use of their therapy robot.

'I moved the computer and phone off my desk. You wouldn't understand. It's a Feng Shui thing and it has successfully reduced my job related stress.'

'Morale soared when we installed the Nurf Basketball.'

"Repetitive strain injury?...theres a lot of it about."

'Inside healer'

'Now, that's more ergonomic...'

'Notice how much happier everyone is since I added anti-anxiety meds to our bottled water?'

'Don't mind me. I thought I'd use these boring office meetings to do my excercising.'