Airport Cynics Gifts

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! My family reunion is in Bermuda this year. But I hate flying. Ever since they started poking and prodding and x-raying and de-shoe-ung us, I swore I'd only go places to which I could drive. Are you using post-9/11 security enhancements as an excuse to avoid spending time with your annoying relatives? Because if so, I salute you. I will not be fondled by the TSA just to watch Aunt Bertha do the Electric Slide.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'They're out there, they swallow your stuff, and who're you gonna call?'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

"I think I've arrived at the airport too soon"

"I've got to admit I'm not crazy about the freeway."

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Galley Plane.

Uh Oh...

'All roads may lead to Rome but so does all the road rage.'

Revealing Airport Security

This country is on the road to ruin!

Christmas Sale Special

"Bah, humbug! It's not just for Christmas anymore."

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

Pot hole.

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

Prison on an airplane

Basic Economy

'I'm sorry, Madame, but you've got to pass the scanner one more time!'

I hate the beach.

'Now we know what BA stands for - Bloody Awful!'

"We should have read the fine print more carefully before buying these cheap airfares."

Airport Screening gone wild...

Watching strangers undress, then and now.

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

Airport Checkpoints

Close enough

'I saved 10 minutes at the hotel with speedy checkout, 10 minutes at the car rental with instant check in. Now I'm spending 6 hours on the runway.'

"The cruise is off dear, apparently I've just joined the Navy!"