Frequent Flyer Cynic Gifts

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"Would you like some wings?"

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

Elite-Premium Passengers

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

Bob landed in Hell. And to make matters worse, they lost his luggage.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"So that's what this is all about? Frequent Flyer Miles?"

Frequent Flier Tom Walstrom, on his way to Seattle, passes his luggage on it's way to L.A.

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

Troy.

"Back! Back! Rows twenty and higher only!"

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

'So...Now I can get American's loudy service and U.S. airways inept baggage handling all in one convenient airline?'

"Amid rampant crime, political instability, frequent attacks by nationalist guerrillas, and numerous endemic diseases, I assure you there is no chance of boredom in this exotic tourist destination."

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

Motorway services charging extra if you want your food cooked.

'How many frequent flyer points do you have?'

'Is this business class?'

'You want a shuffle flight to Buffalo?'