Frequent Flyer Fool Gifts

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

Airport Security. Remove Shoes. What do they call the guy in charge of all this airport security? "The TSAR"!

Felix suddenly remembers what the string on his finger is a reminder of.

Homing pigeons in therapy.

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

Elite-Premium Passengers

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Your honor, my client requests the maximum bail possible so that he can post it with his frequent-flier credit card.'

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

'How many frequent flyer points do you have?'

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

ACE Airlines. Ask about our frequent flier bonus plan. I think it's nice of the airlines to give frequent fliers a free ticket to anywhere. They can go get their luggage.

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

'I'll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings.'

'So...Now I can get American's loudy service and U.S. airways inept baggage handling all in one convenient airline?'