Frequent Flyer Fool Gifts

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

Felix suddenly remembers what the string on his finger is a reminder of.

'Hey, can I have your frequent flier points?'

'One small step for man. Hundreds of thousands of miles for my frequent flier program.'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

Elite-Premium Passengers

'Does N.A.S.A. give frequent flyer miles?'

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"I hardly fly anymore. The emotional baggage fees were killing me."

"This is your captain speaking. I'm delighted to announce that all you frequent flyers members on board today will earn five credits at the college of your choice."

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

"Bad news. Our luggage went to the same place my old job did."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Customer to airline clerk: 'If I drop leaflets out the plane window, do I get frequent flyer miles?'

'Joe, could I have your frequent flier points?'

Flying fish or sardines? (crowded airliner).

'Will keep it down ... you're disturbing our pilot scheduling policy discussions.' Sleeping Pilots?

'We need a third runway for all the ministers flying to India and China to tell them to cut their carbon emissions.'

'Does this effect my Frequent Flyer Miles?'

"What's up with him?" "Travelling on points."

'How many frequent flier miles do you have?'

'How many frequent flyer points do you have?'

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

"We are now jamming passengers into rows 24 through 36."

'I'll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines continue to come up with new add-on charges.

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

"Once again, we're boarding only our Elite Premium passengers at this time. Thank you."