Affectionate Humorists Gifts

Love is being close, no matter what...

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Puss in cement boots"

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

The First Fire Stick

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

This next song goes out to the girl who stole my heart and my guitar.

Alien embryo growing in earth.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

Giant Monster in Bath

"She's a miniature."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"He looks just like your husband."

Barman In Love.

Phoenix

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Tunnel of Like.

"Thanks for calling it skinnydipping."