Academic Juggler Gifts

'My computer's hard drive crashed, so I text messaged you my term paper.'

'Yes, I downloaded my book report from the Internet, but I collated and stapled the pages all by myself.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'I'm very creative and creative people are not afraid to fail.'

Interdisciplinary studies.

"So I think I'm going to do my college essay on 'Overcoming Adversity'."

"Sure I'd like to play video games with you but first I have to do my homework and study for a test. I'll be over in ten minutes."

"We interrupt this program to bring you a special message from your teachers..."

Milestone in a college student's life: 'Hey! I just got my first collection agency letter, dunning me for my credit card debt!'

"Doing all your assigned homework will upset the delicate balance between my social and work life."

'What rhymes with D minus?'

"So, in conclusion, I would like to say that although I haven't actually read the book, I still found it a fascinating and enriching experience.

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

"This isn't going to look good on my website."

"I tried getting good grades without studying, but it isn't working."

"That was one of the hardest exams ever. I don't think anybody got a good grade."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"It's not a bad report, Dad. I passed everything except chemistry."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'WE use these computers to gather and organise data for our school district and, on a slow day, to play solitaire.'

'I'm staying in college long enough to master bookkeeping, then fake the rest.'

'Professor McWit, crushed by an avalanche of Philosophy 101 texts, proves again that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.'

'I'm taking an optimistic approach. Instead of a failing grade, I'm looking at it as 80 passing.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Help Wanted: UC President

"To talk about the 76% of my time preparing lectures, press one. To talk about why adjunct professors teach most of the classes, press two, to talk. . ."

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"How was work?"

Type A Freshman - changed courses four times, got a job, organized a protest, quit the job, plans to take second semester abroad.