Zen Practitioner Gifts

'I don't have the heart to tell him that electric typewriters aren't REALLY the latest thing.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'... Of course, once you actually achieve enlightenment, it all gets a bit boring.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

Zenemies.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Yoga.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

Yoga with Baby

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Guru.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."

"Hoarder."

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'