Zen Practices Gifts

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Om, I will kill him, ooommm. Om, I will kill him, ooommm... Jack would later be charged with premeditated murder

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"How should we divide the teams?"

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Yoga with Baby

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

The Gardener's Calendar: Get Your Mower Out of The Shed.

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

Working from OM.

"When was your last meta-physical?"

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"Got anything else? I gave up carbs."

Zen Litter Box

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

"My mental ink pen ran dry.