Zen Philosophy Gifts

Zen things to do before you reincarnate

Zen VD Clinic - one hand clap

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Working from OM.

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Binary Meditation.

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

Zen Litter Box

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."

"My mental ink pen ran dry.

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'