Zen Philosophy Gifts

Zen things to do before you reincarnate

Zen VD Clinic - one hand clap

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Yoga classes door.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Working from OM.

Binary Meditation.

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

Zen Litter Box

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

"My mental ink pen ran dry.

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

I was allowed to chew this. But not that