Zen Practice Gifts

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

Shortly after attaining enlightenment, Hank reincarnates as a stone.

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"I'm in the 56-year intensive program, all meals included."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Zenemies.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"How should we divide the teams?"

Yoga.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

Yoga with Baby

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Guru.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."

"Hoarder."

Enlightened Cursing