Zen Master In Training Gifts

"You can accomplish anything, if you don't put your mind to it."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"You emptied your mind already? That was quick."

"...Ouch...Ouch...Ouch...Ouch..."

"This year I'm really gonna get organized."

"Ignore everyone."

"Don't just stand there, do nothing."

'It's nice that you just attained enlightenment, but you're not supposed to yell 'Oo-RAH!''

"Sorry, but I'm here right now."

"Did I seriously reach a higher plane of existence for this?"

WISDOM! WHILE IT LASTS!, 'Maybe the sign wasn't such a hot idea after all.'

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

'So the yoga classes are working out pretty well for you then?'

'There's a thin line between being enlightened and being in denial.'

'As your banker, I feel I should tell you, the more enlightened you become the more of a credit risk you become.'

ABSOLUTELY NO SKATEBOARDING

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

"Have you given any thought to what you want to think about when you grow up?"

'That's our third lightning strike this month -- Maybe we aren't meant to attain enlightenment.'

There's no way you could have attained Nirvana already — you don't even have hemorrhoids yet.

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

Zen things to do before you reincarnate

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"It's best to stay away from things you would just have to avoid anyway."

Ernie's not good at much else--- but he's the guru of self-acceptance.

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Zenemies.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Yoga.

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'