Zen Philosopher Gifts

"Have you head about the tree falling in the forest, but no one hears it, because some guy's wife won't stop talking?"

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Working from OM.

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

Binary Meditation.

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

Zen Litter Box

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"When I was making money, I made the most money, and now that I'm spiritual I'm the most spiritual."

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"My mental ink pen ran dry.

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'