Zen Philosopher Gifts

"Have you head about the tree falling in the forest, but no one hears it, because some guy's wife won't stop talking?"

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Yoga classes door.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

Working from OM.

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

"It's either enlightenment or excruciating boredom."

Binary Meditation.

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

"Exactly what is this 'nothing' I've been hearing so much about?"

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

Zen Litter Box

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

"When I was making money, I made the most money, and now that I'm spiritual I'm the most spiritual."

"Since both of us believe in reincarnation, what if I pay you all the money I owe you in the next life?"

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

"My mental ink pen ran dry.

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'