Pan Philosopher Gifts

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

"Was that my pager or yours?"

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

Mall Directory: You are here, but your mind is somewhere else.

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

"Gracie, we're rich because we love one another...we have a safe home and we don't go to bed hungry at night."

'How many are just staying together for the kids? Ok, that's good, very good.'

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

'Enjoy it while you can, kid...one day you wake up and you're five!'

The History of Anti-stick

'No, officer, I'm not a homeless beggar. I'm just waiting on my wife while she's shopping.'

'Dad, are we rich?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"I think I'm ready to go forth and multiply."

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

'I'd like to participate in gym class, but I'm afraid I'll get overheated and contribute to the global warming problem.'

"Son, as long as my lawyers can still find enough legal loopholes to get me out somehow, I don't do anything immoral."

'I must be getting old. I've stopped trying to come up with ways to drive you crazy.'

Let me warn you, toots. Celebrity is like radioactivity: you start with a big bang, then comes years with a half-life of slow decay.

"Ha! You mean you've only caught one fish all day?!"

"My Dad told me not to make the same mistakes he did. That doesn't leave much left!"

"Walden Pond is fine as long as Thoreau isn't there."

"What's the furthest away, America or the moon..?"CartoonStock Upload

Library of War and Peace

'Actually I'm meditating on a bizarre anime that I saw last night.'

The widow's intended: 'Well, Tommy, has your mother told you of my good fortune.' Tommy: 'No. She only said she was going to marry you!'

"Remember, money can't buy happiness...if your Mother ever asks."

"Listen, Mom, I'm not your little girl anymore."

'How am I supposed to follow in your footsteps when you don't have any?'