Remote Philosopher Gifts

"The universal remote. That's how God rules the universe."

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

"Tracks of black bear cub... Tracks of black bear mother... Tracks of Henry David Thoreau."

'By George, this one I think I'm going to like!'

The Remote Olympics

The Farmer Sutra.

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

"I love the way it blurs the boundary between inside and out."

'So much effort to meet me? Man, you just should have visited my website!'

Planets in solar system form a New World Order.

'Why is there a 'Like' button but no 'Despise' button?'

'I became a bit claustrophobic living in a warren all the time: I prefer camping out now...'

'I blog, therefore I am.'

Lost and forgotten department

No crawling sign in the desert.

"Storm’s comin’, Clara. Better get my absentee ballot in."

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

Caution - Poet at work

"If someone says they're a leader and no one hears it, is it true?"

"This human experiment has gone on long enough. Give the hippos control."

"By the way, some of us have begun to feel that 'Because it's there' is not reason enough."

Thinker ponders milking stool.

"Every time you come back you're depressed and disgusted. I'd quit visiting earth, if I were you."

Interior Monologuist

"First, I set the mood."

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

"I keep forgetting it's not Christmas,"

"A movie? I would rather watch this!"

'We DO have a dress code up here, you know!'