Silent Philosopher Gifts

Interior Monologuist

"Oh I have plenty of opinions. I just don't choose to express them."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

The Three Kinds of People

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

Stephen Fry.

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated..."

being watched over his shoulder

"Hon, where's the butter?"

'Do you have anything for absent-mindedness?'