Quiet Philosopher Gifts

"If someone says they're a leader and no one hears it, is it true?"

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

Hush puppy.

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

The Three Kinds of People

"Show off."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

Stephen Fry.

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

'Ah, Garbanzo, truly you are a noble bean.'

being watched over his shoulder

"Hon, where's the butter?"