Pager Philosopher Gifts

"Was that my pager or yours?"

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

Today's alpha-lesson is "Keep a journal." The average person lets life pass them by. The events of their lives fade into nothingness. An alpha knows that long after they're gone, their thoughts and experiences will be of great interest to historians. That's not an original thought. I read it in the papyrus Randus Maximus XIV left in a safe deposit box after he helped conquer Judea.

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

Doubt or Certainy

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

"Well, it certainly explains why everyone's so nice!"

I am so late for a hair appointment

"To give him credit...normally I think these staff 'consultations' are a complete waste of time...but he's been in his office all morning working on our ideas."

No Action Comics

'We seem to be at that point where science leaves off and theology begins.'

Actually, with bachelors degrees in philosophy, we were lucky to get this job.

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

I lactate, therefore I am.

U. S. POST OFFICE, ''Fragile'? Yeah, yeah, pal -- they're all fragile.'

Meet Larry; tenor, baritone, philosopher, social commentator, sport analyst, political expert, relationship expert … and A+ certified plumber.

"Go ahead. Don't think of it as plagiarism, think of it as an homage."

Sorry I've got Writer's Block.

I think therefore...

A thinker seeing his own thought.

"Should I throw this old draft away, or will my future archivists find it an invaluable source of insight into my psyche?"

"You keep saying apocalyptic but I think you mean post-apocalyptic."

Oh, the pager's flashing and vibrating - looks like our barstools are ready.

'In with the warden !'

'I have to go now - I'm being beeped.'

"Sheldon is having a mid-life crisis. He can't decide whether to remain Reform, become Orthodox or return to Conservative."

'Joy, do me a favor. . . call my pager number. . . I wanna make sure it works. Wait 'til I go into the living room.'

'Talk about perennial doubt?'

Wind-up Writer

"No wonder we never achieve anything. All we ever do is ruminate!"

"It's a retro ring."