Pager Enthusiast Gifts

'I have to go now - I'm being beeped.'

'So much for your new Satnav!'

"Was that my pager or yours?"

Fishing from the Pier

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'Beer brewery? No, I wanted the witches brew! Damn GPS.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

'OK, who moved the photocopier?'

Bibliomaniac

'My teacher said my penmanship has really improved since I started doing my homework on an inkjet printer.'

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

95 Theses That Will Blow Your Mind!

Roald Dahl's books updated for modern sensitivities.

Spider watching his web cam.

"Have you figured out what the powers of that new super hero will be? How about the power to meet deadlines? That would be a good power?"

The History of Anti-stick

"How cute! Our technician photo-bombed your X-ray!"

'Tell the doctor I'll be with him in another page and a half.'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'V. K. Duvine and Prodigal Son (if he comes back)

So, would you like the model that only types verbs, or the one that only types nouns?

'Am I the only one who still enjoys the glide of a perfectly sharpened #2 on a fresh yellow legal pad?'

Beaten up man to Good Samaritan: 'Thank you. My insurance doesn't cover roadside service.'

"I have the results of your PET scan and your CT scan. You are not claustrophobic."

'Grampa, how can we become a book, like you?'

'My teacher has said my penmanship has really improved since I started doing my homework on an inkjet printer.'

'I have high hopes of Wisden knocking the Da Vinci code off the top of the best sellers list.'

Recalculating!

"Read? I don't read. I just collect."

Lorry driver goes through woman's living room: 'Sorry for the intrusion, love ... blame the sat nav.'

Writer's block

"I sort of imagined with a live reading, he'd be reading out loud."

"For a second there I thought I heard a page turn, as if someone was actually reading a book. Must be repressed memories from the old days."