Zen Kiddo Gifts

'First, you must empty your mind...'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Dog yoga

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Zenemies.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Yoga.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

'New Age Dog Park' Dogs commune with Nature.

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Guru.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."

"Hoarder."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

Enlightened Cursing

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

Zenboni

Relax.