Zen Humorist Gifts

A Buddhist monk dreams of chairs

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"My ringtone is the sound of one hand clapping."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Eggsorcist"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

"I'm thinking of leaving these crowded condos and going to a place that's been deserted for years...the mall."

"....And the weatherman said it was going to be a hot one today so take it easy and stay hydrated..."

'I'm writing a vegetarian cook book.'

A dog dressed as a cowboy leans against a sign that reads "Armed response".

'Eh, love. The one armed bandit at the end of the bar isn't working.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Magic Act

"It's right here in the brochure: 'Be sure to tip your fishing guide.'"

"I'm sorry, Davis, but your face no longer fits."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"The tricky bit is finding some UK infrastructure that's working to switch it off."

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

Paunch and Judy.