Hen Humorist Gifts

"Be honest Walter...Is it me you really love or just the farm-fresh eggs every morning?"

"Admit it, Mary. You've been having hot flashes, again, haven't you?"

'An egg and spoon race! That's horrible!'

"We only got six days of funding."

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

Football Chameleon

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

"Surgery up here is free!"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

The Adventures of God

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"The Eggsorcist"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

A surprise in heaven

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."