Hen House Humorist Gifts

'I'm struggling to do my timesheet: Do you remember if I laid an egg on Tuesday?'

'Careful, it's not politically correct to say I rule the roost anymore...'

"I want them to lay boiled eggs."

Wilson's Egg Farm: No Poaching

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"I'm working from home today."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

Mouse real estate!

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

Carpet Cows

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

Mistress Talking to Maid

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"...I love the smell of an uncut lawn."

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

'My wife used too much fabric softener.'

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'