Henhouse Humor Gifts

Pecking order - pecking out of order.

'First give me the food - then you get the egg.'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Prisoner Crossing

'Careful, it's not politically correct to say I rule the roost anymore...'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"It's not much, but we've made it our own living hell."

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'An egg and spoon race! That's horrible!'

Ice Fishing

The Hen Commandments.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"Be honest Walter...Is it me you really love or just the farm-fresh eggs every morning?"

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"This article says girls will come and go...but family give us unconditional love and will always be there."

Vine-Gripened Tomatoes

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Estate Agents.

Hen sells her eggs direct at egg farm.

"Another unpaid nightshift! Please tell me you at least secured the video rights?"

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

"Honest dear, those other 39 hens don't mean a thing to me!"

"But what's really special about this place is that there is not even the faintest hint of Kirstie Allsopp."

'It's for you.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

At least you have security!

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

The reason for the real estate slump.

"Admit it, Mary. You've been having hot flashes, again, haven't you?"

"Bob, Bob, he's about to open the flyscreen door! It's our chance to get out of this place!"

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

"I've got him! I've got him!...Now what?"