Zen Master Humorist Gifts

Meditatation: I don't know your name but I feel very drawn to you...how about we go for a drink later?

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Zenemies.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Yoga.

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

Yoga with Baby

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Guru.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

"Hoarder."