Zen Mom Gifts

"You shouldn't try for enlightenment if you are pregnant or may become pregnant."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Dog yoga

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

Zenemies.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Yoga.

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

Hassled Mother.

Guru.

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'This home based business is easy to set up. Everyone knows that women are better at multitasking.'

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

"Hoarder."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'