Zen Pet Owner Gifts

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

Dog yoga

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Dog Nightmares

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Super Dog'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Haute Suture

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

No caption (In the first frame a dog rides in a car with his head hanging out the window. The dog is smiling. In the next three frames the view gets progressively closer to his ear, until on the fourth frame a closeup is shown of a flea on the dogs ear. He too, is smiling).

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”