Zen Mom Pillows

"You shouldn't try for enlightenment if you are pregnant or may become pregnant."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

Dog yoga

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Zenemies.

Yoga.

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Hassled Mother.

Guru.

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'This home based business is easy to set up. Everyone knows that women are better at multitasking.'

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"Hoarder."

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."