Zany Zoologists Gifts

'Why did Tarzan name his chimp cheetah?'

City Zoo: Day Care

"No wonder they've spotted us! Tail down Fred, tail down!"

'I don't know about you. But I'm eating my fill before I drag this carcass to the 'king of the beasts'.'

"You're right—there's no such thing as personal space in a hibernaculum."

Naked Mole Rat

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Wow Dad, I'm growing fast: Soon, my tongue will be as long as yours...'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'So, that's where the blue water comes from!'

Animal Band.

"This is my man cave."

Zoo warden attempting to impress woman visitor

'White meat or dark?'

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Is that beak or are you just happy to see me?'

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

Ernie's spent his entire career studying one species. He says everything else is "irrelephant."

'I've been hired by a zoologist to keep a detailed blog of my daily life,,,'

'Please all just sit down and fasten your seat belts!!'

"I tell you what, a broken tail is a major handicap..."

"So far so good, Bill's reverse psychology was working: no contenders had challenged him..."

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

"Why did we get a Cheetah? They need so much walking."

'I got scared. Unfortunately, I was standing on a concrete floor at the time...'

"Well yes, technically, I was laughing in the face of danger, but really, I was just terrified..."

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

Ophiologist

Zebra to lion: 'Is this a good time to talk to you about the sanctity of life?'

Professor Philips finally settles the debate on bears lavatorial habits,

Predator stretches

"I'm having an identity crisis, Doc. I'm an unguligrade, but I feel like a digitigrade."

Raccoon receiving IV of garbage.