Yuletide Jester Pillows

'Santa says, 'are you sure you inserted the batteries correctly'?'

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Drunk Barber

"I hate open-mike night."

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

Show Jumping Tantrums

NSA is coming to town.

North Pole.

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"I slept funny!"

"I hate waiting! I know! I'll set this clock back an hour, and then in an hour...I'll move it forward, and 60 minutes will go by in a flash! Of course, we'll have to do this 176 more times."

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

'If you haven't been taking your vitamins. What have you been doing with them?'

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

Another wedding

Who am I kidding?

"Simply swipe your card, enter the pin, and a pot of gold will be deposited into your account within two working days."