Holiday Jester Pillows

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

"Okay, who was texting!"

'Dang! I wish I had lips!' 'Phew! I'm glad I don't have lips!'

Xmas Cracker Cow with strange gift cow pats.

"Go ahead and take Labor Day off, Pastor."

"Are you sure you can trust this doctor?"

"Does that mean trick or treaters too?"

Christmas 2020

"I hate waiting! I know! I'll set this clock back an hour, and then in an hour...I'll move it forward, and 60 minutes will go by in a flash! Of course, we'll have to do this 176 more times."

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

"He's very busy. One 'Good King Wenceslas', and then about you go."

'The good news is I've bought a car...'

Polar bears separated by broken ice. One says: 'You must come over to ours for Boxing Day.'

Santa Claus huddles round a fire made from reindeer antlers

'I'm going to go get these carolers some egg nog.'

Knife thrower makes a snowman the only way he knows how.

Christmas Quiz: Is it covid, a hangover, or just life with small children?

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Drunk Barber

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"I hate open-mike night."

Bug hanging up stockings

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

'Hey, 'Houdini', after you figure out how to levitate the cork ou tof the bottle, I can use your magic at the kitchen sink.'

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'