Valentine Jester Pillows

"The bad news is, you've been charged with assault with a deadly weapon. The good news is, your victim has obtained a marriage license."

Gooseberry Fool...

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"No, Doris, not implants!"

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"Gee, I never saw that coming."

Drunk Barber

It's not what's outside that interests me. It's what's inside!

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

"They're a perfect match – she's high-maintenance, and he can fix anything."

'Wait while I slip on something more comfortable.'

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

"You have a really lousy sense of humor."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

Boyfriend scores notches on wall by bed.

'You should have seen the one that got away!'

Monks play conkers with crucifix

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

The crackdown on slapstick continues.

"Will you manage my portfolio?"

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"

'He's sending 2,400 roses to win her back, and charging it to her credit card.'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.