Young Pup Mentor Gifts

'Trust me kid: You never really know if you have a good master until you stop being cute...'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

People who let their big dogs run around leash free and then say things like. . .

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

Pavlov's Puppy

"But this time, Lucky, when I throw the ball... you bring it back!"

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

'He followed me home. Can I keep him?'

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

Dogs Bring Slippers.

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

'He's a son-of-a-bitch but he's our son-of-a-bitch!'

Four Star Meal

"House training's not so bad - you soon get used to it and, if you play your cards right, you'll get lots of treats."

'No, I said 'sit'.'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'Forget about your pride Son: We're expected to beg...'

What they're thinking.

'Quick! 'Tushy to the ground' stance!'

'She always comes to my ringtone. It's the sound of a can opener.'

"I-800-DOGYLAW"

"You call it training, I call it an apprenticeship. Now pay up."

'First you fetch their slippers and then you chew them up -- it's called the 'good dog-bad dog' system.'

Puppy puts deodorant on the slippers.

'He's not in right now. But I'll tell him you called if you promise to give a little treat.'

Remember, he's simple - It's not WHAT you bark at him, it's the TONE you use when you bark at him.

Discipline at Doggy School

''Woof, Woof, Woof.' You call that a blog entry?'

'He's my personal adviser...he's teaching me the air guitar.'

'I dunno... I've lost my confidence, Doc. Some days I feel like I'm only a borderline Collie...'