Puppy Professor Gifts

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

'Stay! Roll over! Heel! I wish they'd expand the curriculum!'

Discipline at Doggy School

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Wow, the Puppy School curriculum has changed a lot since we were there: canine history, bone-burying record keeping, farting etiquette. . ."

"This isn't obedience school. This is much more useful."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

Dog training

Balloon dog training

'To woof or not to woof...'

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

Self-Employment

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'No, I said 'sit'.'

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

When scientists come out of retirement.

Dog next to sign that says, 'Beware of Dog's Feelings'.

"Yes, you're definitely a good boy. Your only fault may be that you care too much."

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

"I said SLIPPERS!"

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

Dog Quiz

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

Doggy Peer Pressure

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Bad Dog!

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.

You read the instructions upside down.

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."