Puppy School Scholar Gifts

Doggy Peer Pressure

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Dog training

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

Pet owner hanging Obedience School diploma

'To woof or not to woof...'

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

"I said SLIPPERS!"

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"Just pay attention and you might learn a few new tricks."

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Discipline at Doggy School

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.

You read the instructions upside down.

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat whenever I lay real still.'

"This isn't obedience school. This is much more useful."

"Not THAT sort of begging..!"

"Well, in my day kiddo, we were well-behaved puppies: we were not sent to puppy school!"

"Oh, she hears the bark, but all the nuance goes right over her head."

'It argues that we dogs are happier when our freedom is limited, and I think I agree with that.'

'Let's act in turn, Mrs. Jones. Before we start teaching your little rascal not to bite the neighbours' kids we should teach him not to eat them.'

Shifting the blame 101.

"Don't look at me for financial advice: I'm still paying off my student loan from Puppy School!"

"I gotta get another hobby."

Dog Obedience School: 'I ate my homework.'

'Stay! Roll over! Heel! I wish they'd expand the curriculum!'

"Wow, the Puppy School curriculum has changed a lot since we were there: canine history, bone-burying record keeping, farting etiquette. . ."

'Am I missing something here?'