Canine Scholar Gifts

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

Dog History

Good boy

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

"Okay, we get it. You're descended from wolves."

A dog reads a newspaper

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

"This ham bone did not have much meat on it by the time I met it, but it tasted of meat, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Preschools for Dogs

'I bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep, bark, eat, sleep! There has to be more than that!'

Discipline at Doggy School

"I disagree. I think we're ninety percent breeding and ten percent grooming."

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill? I'd like to publish a case report on this one?"

Oh, jeez, I should remember this guy! How do I sniff him without him knowing I'm sniffing him?

"The question should be, do PEOPLE go to heaven?"

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

'I thought he was passing out homework!'

I wonder if they can think...