Doggie Scholar Gifts

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"And always remember...If you're going to be sick, always do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent."

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

A dog reads a newspaper

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

RING! RING! RING!: 'Not the cell phone AGAIN!'

'He was getting tetchy over the duopsony for the last sweeting.'

"Let's try it again. This time with a tad less mania."

Preschools for Dogs

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill? I'd like to publish a case report on this one?"

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

Doggy Peer Pressure

"There's no point us both barking."

"It's for what?! I thought it was a bark amplifier!

BOWZ, poetry reading...'Neither good doggie, nor bad dog be...'

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).

Nicole's liberal dog college: 'We believe there is a gray area between good dog and bad dog.'

'Let's act in turn, Mrs. Jones. Before we start teaching your little rascal not to bite the neighbours' kids we should teach him not to eat them.'

Tattoo parlour - "Don't you think your dog looks tough enough without a tattoo?"

"Sorry, Cruz, I flunked my history test...and now I'm grounded."

Shifting the blame 101.

"Wow, the Puppy School curriculum has changed a lot since we were there: canine history, bone-burying record keeping, farting etiquette. . ."

"Oh, Fifi's 'purebred', if you catch my drift. . ."

'Do what I do when my husband hogs the remote control. Turn on the can opener. When he runs to the kitchen, go grab the remote.'