Canine Sociologist Gifts

Doggy Peer Pressure

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

Canine Scentipede

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

In life there are things we cannot understand � the words 'get down,' invisible fences, cats...

'Iguana know what time it is.'

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

'A bone is a bone is a bone...'

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"The universe must love dogs - otherwise, why would sticks just fall from the sky?"

Shepherd, Herder, Hunter, Thinker.

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"May you love like you've never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, and chase squirrels at the speed of light."

"I do what they tell me, I eat what they give me. How do I know they're not a cult?"

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

Dog History

'He took a fetching class.'

I bark and bark and bark. . . Therefore I am.

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'

"Okay, we get it. You're descended from wolves."

'He's so clever he's learning a second language!'

'Shake'

'…and so you see your unfulfilled hopes and ambitions in the form of the mailman.'

"It's not that you ate the sirloin tips. It's the lying."

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

"The human is back - act normal."

When dogs appear to be deep in thought.

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."

"What makes you think you're Good Boy material?"

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'Sorry Binky, but there is no category for talking dogs.'

"It hurts when I wag my tail – but I'm not sure if the pain is mental or physical."