Canine Psychologist Gifts

'…and so you see your unfulfilled hopes and ambitions in the form of the mailman.'

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"I may want to sit. Just give me a chance to process this."

"He continues to taunt me. Frankly, I don't know else can be done."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"That is not my pee I'm smelling."

"It's not that you ate the sirloin tips. It's the lying."

"It hurts when I wag my tail – but I'm not sure if the pain is mental or physical."

Dog on leash: No, you go back.

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'

Barking Today - 'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

How to catch your tail the smart way

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

Canine Scentipede

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"Meow."

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"Actually I never loved you."