Dog Psychology Enthusiasts Gifts

"I believe in unconditional love—except for the mailman."

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

Dog phrenology

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Actually I never loved you."

Dog History

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"He's sending an instant message."