Canine Psychologists Gifts

Beware of the Reformed Character: ' ... by this point I realised that I was carrying a lot of anger around and I needed to address that, so ...'

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Canine Scentipede

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"Actually I never loved you."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

'He took a fetching class.'

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

The brain of a dog.