Canine Scientist Gifts

The Art and Science of Car Chasing

Bears catching fish

A day at the transgenic races

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

The Z Chromosome: Zebratic engineering with questionable results.

"That, believe it or not, is also a mammal."

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

Protoplasm

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

'Get me everything you have on bunny rabbits.'

Dog History

"I'm taking a gap year and then getting my Master's in Fetching and Staying."

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'Don't worry Darling, they're scientists'

"Okay, we get it. You're descended from wolves."

'I can't come out to play, I have to help my owner work on his bike. Sometimes it sucks being a smart breed.'

Dolly, Twenty Years Later

"I don't think this is what is meant by Animal Science, but it does take it to a new level!"

Ophiologist

"I've lived among them my entire life, and I can tell you, 'fetch,' 'roll over,' 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'bad dog,' is the extent of their vocabulary."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."

"No, no, that's my copy of 'Being and Time'—look at the teeth marks along 'Heidegger'."

"Obviously somebody contaminated the sample, Kevin."

'No, its not low on toner, Dr Higgins. Just admit you don't know how to clone sheep.'

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

"I read somewhere that he thinks we're very large, very odd dogs."

Zoo Psychological Center. We had a good group session today. The cougar talked about her trouble having a romantic relationship with someone her own age. The wolf opened up about wearing sheep's clothing. And we all assured the newt that an identity crisis is common among amphibians. The gorilla is having a tough day so he's staying for an individual session. There's nothing wrong with you ... a lot of people tend to ignore 800-pound gorillas.

'I think the experiment is over Hargreaves, I've noticed that they've begun to use them as currency.'

Doctor Ernie, Animal Scientist, Answers Your Questions. A reader in Colorado asks "When should a colt be weaned from its mother?" A foal and his mommy are soon parted!

"Why don't they come up with a breed that'll live longer?"

'Fidelity is overrated.'

"I started out by learning a few counting tricks, then loved it so much I now have a PhD in theoretical mathematics..."

'I realize how difficult it is to accommodate oneself to small animal practice after 30 years of livestock...