Puppy Professors Gifts

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Dog training

Pet owner hanging Obedience School diploma

'To woof or not to woof...'

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

Self-Employment

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."

'Trouble is, he rubbed my nose in it'

"Forget George, he scarfs down everything in sight. Aunt Rose and Grandma are good for slipping us a slice. Most important, the kids are sloppy. We're bound to find some juicy scraps under their chairs. Stay alert!"

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

'No, I said 'sit'.'

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

Dog next to sign that says, 'Beware of Dog's Feelings'.

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

'I don't mind playing dead...but what I'd really like to do is direct.'

"Yes, you're definitely a good boy. Your only fault may be that you care too much."

"I said SLIPPERS!"

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

"...then - and here's the funny part - I add the potassium sulfate..."

'I'm still trying to decide if I should join the workforce or get my masters in staying.'

Doggy Peer Pressure

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Discipline at Doggy School

Bad Dog!

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.

You read the instructions upside down.

"Goodness gracious no, I didn't go to a public puppy-school: I went to an elite private puppy-school..."

"While your resumé said one thing it's come to our attention that labradors actually shed quite a bit."

"This isn't obedience school. This is much more useful."

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat whenever I lay real still.'