Pup Professors Gifts

Professor Barkowitz's school for Canine re-education

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

"Make a lot of money."

University Soapflakes

U of Debt

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Ten Years to get the Ph.D

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Bearded Leftie.

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"My husband's the academic. I just like to travel. I'm more of a pandemic."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

Dog training

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

Teacher and students.

Scientists continue their research on the Hippocampus.

'I wanted to ask you about life-experience credit.'

Examiners.

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

A Brain Drain

'Fred, rumor has it you're closing in on some profound, elemental truth about the universe, and I wanted to remind you that our research funding specifically prohibits that!'

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

Dr. Darrin found her peer review process unnerving.

'I understand you don't have a resume but you do have your pedigree papers?'