Pup Psychologist Gifts

'I dunno... I've lost my confidence, Doc. Some days I feel like I'm only a borderline Collie...'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Licensed Therapist

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

'Sorry Ben, I never noticed the baby-sitting clause in the stud contract.'

"Meow."

Dog training

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"Actually I never loved you."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

The brain of a dog.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"He's sending an instant message."

"Wag your tail just once when I come home. You miserable dog!"