Pup Psychologist Pillows

'I dunno... I've lost my confidence, Doc. Some days I feel like I'm only a borderline Collie...'

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

"We've found a marvelous trainer for Rex."

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

'Sorry Ben, I never noticed the baby-sitting clause in the stud contract.'

"Meow."

Dog training

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"Actually I never loved you."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

The brain of a dog.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'

"He's sending an instant message."

"He's obedient as long as my requests align with his internal moral imperatives."