Dog Psychologist Pillows

"Penny, what is that scent you have on? I must know." "Don't you just love it, Lucy? It's dead rat."

Doggy Peer Pressure

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

Licensed Therapist

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Dog Nightmares

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"Instead of wagging my tail, running around and jumping all over you, I sent you an E-card."

"I can’t believe you’re doing this! I have abandonment issues! Abandonment issues!!!"

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

Dog phrenology

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"Meow."

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

"Last night I dreamed I caught my tail."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"I can't believe how much I love her. Just look at those sienna eyes and that adorable little nose. I honestly don't know how I'd survive without her." "He has food."

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Actually I never loved you."

'I'm sure they don't think you're really a bad kitty...just a kitty that sometimes does bad things.'

"Mi chiamano Mimi, il perche non so. Sola, mi fo il pranzo da me stessa."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'