Dog Psychology Enthusiast Pillows

"Separation anxiety."

Dog Nightmares

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

Dog phrenology

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

Dog History

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

'I suppose this means you won't be fetching my slippers anymore.'

'How long have you had this obsessive hatred of cats?'

"Putting him on a diet was easy. Just hide a pill in his food and he'll never touch it."

'Don't worry, we'll soon have you barking sane.'

"And just how long have your felt confined by this 'invisible fence'?"

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

'…and so you see your unfulfilled hopes and ambitions in the form of the mailman.'

"I, for one, refuse to just sit at the door pining for his return."

"What do I remember about my mother? Well, for starters, she was delicious."

"It's not that you ate the sirloin tips. It's the lying."

"Belly rubs are a gateway activity that leads to chasing bunnies and fetching frisbees."

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

"Eddie, you are one hell of a mouse!"

"I think I'm a big dog."

"It hurts when I wag my tail – but I'm not sure if the pain is mental or physical."

'It's probably your own fear of inadequacy.'

'Do you think I over-praised Marmaduke for fetching the paper?'

Doug always circled around four or five times before lying down to sleep.

"Penny, what is that scent you have on? I must know." "Don't you just love it, Lucy? It's dead rat."

Barking Today - 'I always bark for no reason whatever.'

Doggy Peer Pressure

"Here's what you do when you're kenneled: find the biggest dog in the joint and kick his #!@*."

"You're the one with the fancy forensic psychology degree; you tell me which one of them did it."

"If you eat the homework, but then spit it out, are you still a bad dog?"

"I believe in unconditional love—except for the mailman."

"This dog definitely had abandonment issues..."